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Watch the DANGERS of the World in the Safety of your Home

Khelani For Vogue

I’m just gonna put all your hair up ’cause it’s a hot day. I’m not gonna be able to make the back of your hair perfect ’cause you keep moving.

It’s important to let her try all the things that she wants to do, because I was able to do everything that I wanted to do and try all these different things ’cause my mom just knew the importance of it and that’s why I grew up to wear so many hats I think. But she’s really into like fishing and dancing and, what else do you like to do? You like to fish? You like to dance? You like to play guitar? You like to play the drums? You like to take pictures? You like to swim? You like to play basketball? What else do you like to do? And play. And play. Play. You like to play, you’re really good at playing. You’re really smart too.

I lived in downtown Los Angeles for a while and as much as I loved, like, the really inspirational, really like, youthful city space, I really understand the value of like, coming home and you know, having peace. I am in a very incredible religion called regla de ocha. I actually had a spirit. I had a [indistinct] tell me that less would always be more for me and my daughter. It didn’t register until I came across the house. I think home is anywhere that just feels like love.

I lived in a lot of places that didn’t feel like home, whether it was because of the environment or maybe who I was living with or places that you go home and it still feels like work. But I come here and it literally feels like I’m exhaling. Like it literally feels like [exhales], you know, I can finally breathe. And I think to me, that’s, that’s love, you know and those little baby footsteps were running around all over the place. I think that I underestimated what I needed.

And then I had a kid, now I get to see this reflection of like what a human needs. Air and sun and food and water and animals and joy. And I think seeing her get all that, it reflected that I need to prioritize this, you know, as my home life as well. And then it fed my inner child and it fed my peace and it fed, you know, the things I completely bypassed for years, because I was just working and working and working. but yeah, now I know like it has to be this way. You know?

My mother’s an addict, always in and out. My father passed when I was one. My aunt raised me. This internal battle with like, where do I actually belong? Who’s my family? Like, my childhood was completely lacking instability. I for sure feel like I belong now. I mean, I’ve created my belonging. If that makes sense. I think that I struggled with that, because I was a child. You know, and all you know is the people around you that love you. But when you’re older, your definition of family changes so much.

I probably would’ve went to sleep at like 4am, doing God knows what. Drinking, smoking, maybe something else. Maybe I was just coming down off acid, making music with a bunch of friends who probably didn’t even last this long or weren’t my real friends. It was nothing like the actual peace that is the 24 hours I have now. I don’t consider myself worthy of the title ‘photographer’ but I am really, really into photography. Wow. This is so cool.

My biggest fear is that I will get to the end of my life and have regrets because I held back from doing all the projects that I was excited about, because of some fear of how big they wouldn’t get. I don’t care if a thousand people watch it, listen to it. If three people watch it and they love it at the end of the day, I wanted to do it. And who knows, it might be on some like Vivian Meyer one day. Somebody picks up on it and then a million people love it. I’m just in the business of doing whatever the fuck I wanna do. ‘Cause life is too short and not to get more of it, but I’ve had a lot of young people that are my friends pass in the last couple years, and they didn’t get to do everything that they dreamed of and wanted to do. So I wanna do all the things. I don’t care.

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